Why do we fall down?

Posted on Sun Feb 12th, 2023 @ 4:33am by Lieutenant Kara Danvers

2,795 words; about a 14 minute read

Mission: Ghost Hunting Season
Location: Office
Timeline: Current

Admiral Arissa S’teme entered her office and turned on the lights. She set down her bag and looked at her desk and the file sitting there. “Vhat is this?” She said to herself and picked up the file. It had a name written on it, Kara Danvers, Fury survivor. Arissa sighed and sat down heavily. “Vhy do alvays I get these? Alvays the Fury, the Borg, The Q. Vhy can not I ever get simple case, like neglect or abuse by officer in control? Fury, must alvays be Fury. Ah, look, not even human. Vhat is this Kryptonian? Never heard of such person. A vell, a job is a job.” Arissa grabbed a large mug of a dark, strong coffee and put in enough sugar and cream to choke a horse and sat down to read the file. “Simple this is not. Me, I will see vhat can be done, da.”

She closed the door between her office and her treatment room and took a seat in one of the easy chairs. It had other comfortable chairs, couches, and tables, with a tea, coffee, and hot chocolate station by the door and different sizes of cups to use. “Lieutenant Kara Danvers, please report to my office.” She said and added a map for the padd and for the interface if Kara was not in her quarters. Then she waited.

That wasn’t exactly very hard for her to show up, and on time. There wasn’t much for her to really do unless it was going out with Flower. Then even that turned into a task. Also getting blown off and not listened to either. Pushing the chime to Arissa’s office, Kara then waited.

Arissa stood and walked to the door, feeling that was more personal. She opened it and smiled. “Lieutenant Kara Danvers?” She asked pleasantly and held out her hand to shake. “Please, come in and make yourself comfortable. There are beverages should you vant and cookies as vell. If you vant anything else, the replicator is right there and you can help yourself.”

She moved in and took the hand, shaking it. As before however, she excused the pleasantries offered and sat down right in the middle of the room, legs crossed. “Thank you, but I’m fine.”

“Very vell, Lieutenant Danvers. I’m Arissa S’teme, you may call me Arissa, Admiral, or Ms S’teme. Vhat vould you prefer I call you?” Arissa said pleasantly and sat down in her favorite chair and picked up her cup of tea and she listened.

“Kara is fine. You probably already know that, because you have the conversation from the previous session.” She gave a light smile.
“Vhat vent on in those other sessions stay in those sessions. In here, we are starting fresh, vith no preconceived ideas or anything. I have been a counselor for Starfleet for 50 years. I am Betazoid, but I do not use my telepathy or empathy without first telling people I am using them. I find that using those can muddy the vater as much as vocalizing and I prefer to read body language and tones rather than vords. I am single by choice, but I have had three children and they are being raised by adoptive parents elsevhere and I am not part of their lives. I did it as a favor for friends who couldn’t have children of their own. I like to think that my life is dedicated to helping others understand their own lives and how to be comfortable in their own skin. That is a little about me. Vhat vould you like me to know about you, Kara?” Arissa asked.

She shrugged a little bit, “Telepathy won’t work on me anyway, as opposed to my cousin.” There was a tilt in her head a little, “You are aware that you don’t have to tell me all about yourself, or your relationship status. Or children for that matter. I do get though, however, why. As you actually said without saying it. If you share, I share. A rapport with each other. I prefer to leave most of things that aren’t in my files to myself. Unless it’s to someone I trust implicitly.”

Arissa chuckled softly. “Vhile it is true I don’t have to tell you anything about myself but my name and credentials, I prefer to let those I vork vith know that I’m as flawed as they are, have the same doubts and fears, the same ambitions, the same dreams and hopes. Vell, not exactly identical dreams and fears and such, but I have them the same as they do. And it is vhy I asked vhat you vanted me to know about you. Not to establish a rapport, that vill either come or von’t, and nothing either of us can do can change that. I did it so that I wouldn’t trespass vhere you vould rather I didn’t. So, you prefer to stick to vhat is in your files and nothing else. Okay, I vill do my best. So tell me, Kara, vhat is your impression of your recent mission?”

“It took me to a place I didn’t want to remember or go back to, so I didn’t do much at all. Where as I should have…as I guess sometimes it is called…cheat, and unleashed my true abilities.”

Arissa thought about this. “Honestly, Kara, I have never met or known any Kryptonian. I don’t know vhat abilities you are talking about. Vould you care to share those with me? And just how you thought it could have changed the outcome of this mission?”

“Depending on the situation or where I am, I can’t be hurt. Literally. I can fly, I can,” lists off the major ones, though she left out some specific details that she doesn’t want just anyone to know. For good reason. “As for how it may have helped, I’ve been in a position and a place with creatures like this. In this manner. Like the ‘Borg.’ Even not having my abilities, and here I am still alive. It wasn’t easy at all…”

Arissa heard the pain in Kara’s voice. “I see.” She said softly. “Thank you for sharing. It sounds like for perks of being a Kryptonian the drawbacks are a lot vorse. But I can assure you, Kara there really is nothing you could have done in this case. It vasn’t in the open, it vas being much more subtle, and it’s much harder to fight off a seduction than rape. If you understand my meaning.”

“I know all to well that meaning…” given she managed to fight off the latter a number of times in the Zone. “Even with all we could do, the greatest minds, those even superior to, say El’Aurians. I couldn’t stop this. I should have stopped this. I know how to stop this. I’m not allowed. I’m alone..I’ll always be alone. I won’t cheat, I won’t use all my powers, or my knowledge, just for it to be twisted and corrupted. If…though... I can do so much more without restrictions. No rules, no regulations. No hiding who I am, what I can do. So many more I can save than the Federation, or Starfleet can.” Narrowing her eyes, she stood up, Pulling open the uniform and letting it drop. Revealing her own suit. “This is who I am. Hope. If I have to be restricted, I have to resign.”

Arissa looked at Kara. “I see. And you think you are the only hope ve have? Or that you can replace all of Starfleet in protecting the universe? Or that you alone are the only one with the answers?”

“Of course not, both of those would be ignorant to assume or think of. I just can do more. Even in this case I should have done more than just my job.” Pushing the cape back a little to fluff it out some before sitting down again. Giving a long sigh.

“Vouldn’t that be considered insubordination? Not vaiting for orders or for thinking you know best vithout first consulting your commanding officers? Vhat you are showing me now is you have a serious case of the “god complex” and that is no more healthy than someone who believes they are never good enough and are eternal failures.`` Arissa stated. “Somehow, I think you are smarter than that. Or am I wrong and you are going to put your entire crew in danger making snap judgements and calls vithout first having all the facts.”

“Arissa…if I had a God complex, do you really think that I would have stayed my post, not done what I thought I should have. I will never think I am smarter than that. I was simply explaining my extinct races abilities, scientific, technological and the like.”

“And saying that you should have taken care of it before it vent as far as it did. A single person can not take care of the entire race of Fury. Yet you say you can. That is a god complex. Frankly, it’s terrifying to think that someone with that kind of issue was allowed to graduate from the academy and become part of Starfleet. But that isn’t my call anymore. Commodore Connor vants you on her crew and Starfleet Command is happy to give her vhat she vants.” Arrisa stated. “Personally, I vouldn’t feel safe around such a vild card.”

“No one feels safe with me around…” hanging her head.

“Are you sure about that, Kara? I know that Flower runs to you vhen she feels the need for safety. I know that Mardel feels safe vith you as vell or she vouldn’t have you on her ship.” Arissa pointed out.

“I know Flower does, and I love her to death, but I still wonder sometimes. Is it really because we’re that good of friends and she doesn’t know what I could potentially do, or is it she doesn’t care. As far as the Commodore goes, I still don’t know why she is okay with it. Or my being allowed to go through the Academy for that matter. Aren’t I worse than augments? Though some have slipped through.”

“Kara, people either like you or they don’t and oftentimes it has absolutely nothing to do with you. It’s just a fact. So vhen someone offers you the hand of friendship don’t question it, accept it. All people are stronger together than alone. You are part of a team, a very good team that Starfleet trusts and feels they can give the hard missions to. That team vouldn’t be the same vithout you. Can’t you see that?”

“Then why do I feel that I’m a burden to hold back, even if I, because I do, work with everyone, as a team.” Only slightly looking back up.

“That is a question ve have been asking since Eve gave Adam that apple to quote from Earth mythology and history. It is a universal feeling of not fitting in, of being a burden, or never being good enough. If I had the answer to that, I would be a rich voman. Even such as I have those feelings. All I can do is assure you that you are not alone, you are not a burden, and you are vanted and needed as part of your team.” Arissa said. “Do you have a young man? Perhaps that vould help bolster you during this time. To find someone you can talk vith and bond with.”

Kara’s cheeks turned about as red as her cape was. “Do…I..wait..what? Are you asking if I’m romantically involved with someone? No one sees me that way. I’ve never even been approached in that particular proposition as such. I mean..look.” Grabbing the durasteel arm of the chair and pinching it between two fingers to only an eighth of a centimeter.”Without control, and, as you said actually…some that do trust me. Others that have seen what I can do are afraid. I can feel it. I don’t have to just see it on their face, or in their eyes.”

Arissa laughed. “Kara, dear one, let me tell you, there is someone for everyone. There is a man that vill vant exactly vhat you have to offer. Do not close yourself off from such an opportunity. And you must realize that the fear isn’t that you vill harm them, but that you vill reject them. Give them a chance.”

“Why would I reject them if I feel comfortable with them and then want me for more than how I look or what I can do.”

“I think you are afraid, Kara. You are a strong voman and I’m not talking about physical strength. A lot of men don’t know vhat to do vith strong vomen. So if one approaches you, be open to it and don’t reject out right. You might be surprised if you it a chance.” Arissa chuckled. “Me, I am thinking that you are feeling better about the last mission. I am thinking that vhat you be needing is closer relationships vith friends and others in the crew. I think that is vhat you need, to not feel so alone.”

“You did point out Flower. I’m not sure how you knew about that, and I suppose it doesn’t matter. I do love her like she is my sister. There’s that.” Cocking her head a little to the side. “So what about if I’m not comfortable with men, or I’m more inclined to women, or not actually looking for a relationship that way at all right now.”

“I did see the logs from the mission, Kara. And I saw how others looked to you and depended on you to be there for them. And if it is vomen you are vanting, then more power to you. And you have expressed feeling alone. A relationship, vith man or voman, vill help vith that feeling of loneliness. You are a good person, Kara, this I feel in my heart. This I see in the logs of past missions. I vill be releasing you from counseling. Vhat you need, I cannot give, but another person might. You have good luck in your future. I think it vill be bright.” Arissa said and held out her hand to Kara. “I am here, if you ever want or need to talk. I hope you think of me as a possible friend.”

“Thank you, and I’ll think about what you said outside of the whole debriefing part of things. Also, I do think of you as a friend now, not as just someone having to do their job.”

“Thank you, Kara. Now go, find someone to be happy vith.” A merry twinkle in her eye. “And maybe cause a little trouble, not a lot, but a little.” She laughed and stood to walk Kara to the door.

“I think I already did…” pointing to the arm of the chair. “I kind of smooshed it. Unless you want to keep it that way, I can get someone to replace it.”

Arissa chuckled. “No, I think I vill leave it as it is. And if someone comes in who likes to cause problems I vill simply have them sit in that chair and if they ask I say a friend did that just because they could. A friend who I can call anytime.” That twinkle in her eye. “I am not above a little fear tactic for those who need it.”

That made her smile a lot, more genuine than the entire session. Not as much as say when she’s just having girl time with Flower for example, but enough. “I like that. I won’t be a stranger if I can help it, Arissa.” Stepping outside of the officer now, unless there was something else first.

“May the luck of the gods go with you, Kara.” Arissa said and then waved goodbye and closed the door. She would miss Kara.

Kara turned faster than the door could get closed. “Arissa?” Pointing to the symbol on her chest. “Remember. Hope. There is always hope, and not just me who can deliver it. You have in me and reminded me just what that symbol stands for. Thank you.” Letting go so the door can be closed the rest of the way when Arissa was ready.

 

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