"Accepting Counseling"

Posted on Sat Feb 11th, 2023 @ 1:35pm by Lieutenant Flowerpetal Sheme & Commodore Mardel Shayron-Connor

5,830 words; about a 29 minute read

Commodore Jenny Thomas had been a counselor for almost 40 years and was considered one of the best, especially with trauma victims. She was Betazoid by race, and could if asked or needed go into the thoughts and help put them on the right pathways. She had looked over the records of Lieutenant Flowerpetal Sheme and she felt she had her work cut out for her. She sent the summons for the first counseling session and waited for her patient to arrive.

The office was set up comfortably with a couple of easy chairs, a couch, and a lounge so that patients could lie down if they wished. Soft sounds came as soothing background noise and the air was scented with lavender and vanilla, both soothing to a troubled mind. And she had an herbal tea station set up with chamomile, another way to deal with trauma and stress.

Lt. Flowerpetal Sheme received the order to report to her first counseling session. She looked to Kara and left their assigned quarters. Part of her was still dealing with nightmares and other issues, while the other part of her felt that she could handle the gag order. After her attack, Flower fell into a coma where she was almost lost forever, and maybe in a way she is still feeling lost. she approached the door and rang the chime and waited.

“Enter” The voice was pleasant and alto in range, so very soothing and pitched to engender trust and to show her true compassion and need to help others. She waited for Flower to enter as she filled the beautifully painted china tea pot with hot water and set the cups and tea tray on the low table in the middle of the seating.

Flower entered and looked around. She was impressed with the set up, as she walked closer, “Lt. Flowerpetal Sheme as requested.” she announced herself.

“Please come in and make yourself comfortable, Lieutenant Sheme. May I call you Flowerpetal or would you prefer Flower? I am Commodore Jenny Thomas, but you may call me Jenny during our sessions.” She said and set the steaming tea pot on the table and turned to face the person who was more cat than human. “I must say, you have a very beautiful pelt, Flowerpetal, I can see where you got your name from.”

Flower felt her nose brighten up a little from the compliment, “You are half correct on how I got my name. I actually look exactly as my late mother did, so my father called me his Sweet Flowerpetal and tried to force me into a Path that wasn't as dangerous as being a Defender and Protector as my mother was. But when I was born, I had the rock hard pads under my paws and with that I was always meant to be a Defender and Protector. Although after the latest mission …” she looked away.

Jenny nodded. “First, we begin by having you pick where you want to sit. Where you would feel most comfortable. Then, we share a cup of herbal tea. And then we can talk about everything and anything. Does that sound good to you?”

All Flower could do was nod her head and went to sit down on the sofa, “Do you have cup/bowls?” she asked as she curled her tail around her waist.

Moving a little, it showed on the table a delicate cup and an equally delicate drinking bowl. “Now then, do you want plain chamomile or chamomile with lavender and vanilla mixed with it?” She asked as she selected the tea bag for the plain chamomile tea.

“The only tea I have ever had was at a Chinese restaurant as a cadet…back when my security cadet partner was still with us…” Flower turned away from showing sadness in her eyes.

“Then we will start with the plain chamomile. Do you like it with lemon and honey, cream and sugar, cream and honey, lemon and sugar?” She asked and took a plain chamomile bag and put it in the bowl. She poured hot water over both bags, one in the cup and one in the bowl and then looked to Flower for her preference.

“I don't know, As I just said I have only had tea one time and not since that one time.” Flower mumbled softly.

Taking a spoon, she lifted some of the pale tinted hot water and placed it near Flower’s lips. “It isn’t fully steeped yet, but this will give you an idea of what it tastes like unsweetened. Then decide if you want the zip of the lemon or the smoothness of the cream and the richness of the honey or the sweetness of the sugar. Now sip carefully and it is hot.”

Flower caused her tongue to carefully lap at the spoon, “Very interesting flavor. Maybe I will try some honey. Sometimes back at home our Healers would add honey in with the mother’s milk when the kittens are first born to protect them as they get older from a deadly disease.” she politely answered, feeling a little relaxed around her new counselor.

With a smile, Jenny lifted the honey spoon and twirled it in the pot of honey and then allowed the honey to drip into the bowl. “Tell me when to stop.”

Flower lifted her paw after a few drops, “And to answer your first question, you can call me Flower. Only a couple of individuals call me Flowerpetal, one being Lt. B’Raitha of Intel, who is also my mate to be,” she paused and looked at her left paw, remembering how special his proposal was and how it felt to ride the Sol system with the one she loved very much.

Jenny stopped when Flower asked and smiled. “Thank you, Flower. And congratulations on your engagement. I wish you all the best.” Then she picked up the bowl and handed it to Flower. “When it’s strong enough for you, there is a garbage can right here where you can dispose of the bag.” She took a seat in one of the chairs and took a sip of her tea, which she drank with cream and sugar. “So, Flower, what would you like me to know about you?”

Flower purred and sipped slowly, “Well what do you want to know about me? Besides the obvious of how I am doing with my latest mission and what we experienced.”

Shaking her head, Jenny set her cup down. “That isn’t what I asked,, Flower. I asked you to tell me what you want me to know about you. This isn’t about what I want to know, it’s what you want me to know.” She explained and waited.

Flower thought about what she wanted to tell her. Only a few crewmates could get her to open up about her feelings and fears. Normally when she was upset, she would have gone to the holodeck and allowed her tail to be twisted and then her head would feel clear again, “Let me ask you, have you ever been asked to do a job that you had absolutely no training for?” That was actually the last thing on her mind, but it was the first thing she could put into meows.

“As a matter of fact, I have. My training has always been in psychology, but with my first posting as a young ensign, I had to spend almost a year in security, something for which I have no skills. The captain finally decided that someone else would serve the ship better in security and allowed me to go back to counseling.” Jenny explained calmly.

“I was asked by an admiral to spy on my crewmembers. Something I have no training for whatsoever, and worse, I nearly lost a friend after being asked to spy on her. She and I got close after we both were injured in a war games mission a while ago, and I consider her to be a close friend of mine.” Flower explained as she sipped more tea.

“Actually, Flower, such things are routine for security to conduct such things on the crew to make sure that some isn’t trying to slip in as a chamloid or has been drugged, or has fallen under other influences. Several times, the Federation has been put under threat because security either didn’t do these checks or were the first ones hit.” Jenny said reasonably. “It is something you should have been trained for at the academy if security is your strength.”

Flower looked down and at her paws, “But I have no training in espionage or spying. I am a loyal officer and follow any order given to me, but in reality I wished that I rejected these orders. As I said earlier, me and Lt Commander Sineade Darnell, or who I call Tinker, are really good friends and she felt very hurt that I had to spy on her. I avoided my roommate during this special mission of mine as I was scared that she would have asked me questions.”

Jenny reached out and touched Flower on the paws until she met Flower’s eyes. “What makes you think that spying makes you any less of a loyal officer?” She asked softly and reasonably.

“I wasn't comfortable spying on my friends. And I value friendships over my duty any day of the week. It does get lonely in space when it seems like everyone has a mate on the ship. I was placed in an awkward position and I wanted to run to my commanding officers and tell them everything, but I wasn't trusting my instincts, like I maybe should have.” Flower explained further.

/ “I see. What if I were to tell you, that in this case, spying on your friends was the best way to help them. Consider this, Flower, what if the Fury had taken your friend and was holding her hostage and using her form to harm other of your friends on the ship because she is so well known and liked. And if by your spying on her, you discovered this duplicity, you would be able to save her as well as the rest of the crew.” Jenny said reasonably. “But I can understand how you could feel that it was a betrayal of sorts, however I can assure you it is never a betrayal to check on your friends to make sure they have been taken over.” She finished.

“When it came to clearing Tinker's name, I had a very unique way of doing that. A few years ago, after her spanner broke in her hand, I crafted her a new set of Engineering tools with a surprise in them. I programmed the handles to only her grip and if anyone else tried to hold them, they would get a shock and drop the tool. I asked her to hold one of her special tools, and when she did, she held it without a shock. After that I knew she was my Tinker friend. I would also like to add that I also have a set of tools that she gifted me to with the same fail safe so only I would be able to hold them. I have also been cross training in engineering, and it's been fun!” Flower caused her tail to curl up real fast as she was amused with how she cleared Sineade.

Smiling, Jenny nodded. “Sounds like you have it all worked out. And by simply accepting that you were protecting your friend, Sineade, rather than fight something you thought was beyond your skills, you asked her to hold her tool for a moment, then you could have saved yourself a lot of anxiety. And if Sineade is the good friend you consider her, she would fully understand the need of protecting her and the rest of the crew and not feel like you have betrayed her or thought her a traitor in any way, shape, or form. Don’t you think?”

“You have a point and as I mentioned before, she was hurt that I had to spy on her, but she also understood the reason. The next thing I knew my Commodore had been poisoned and security was asked to make sure all shuttle bays were guarded, and I… was attacked by the Fury… and put me into a coma… I was lost in my mind… and I had a nightmare,” Flower sipped some more then looked towards the window.

“You can walk around, if it helps you and you can also look out the window. Sometimes, watching the ocean soothes me when I’ve had a bad day. I’m sorry that you had a nightmare and the fact that you are alive means the Fury didn’t want you dead, it was just trying to mess with you, make you vulnerable. Now, I have a question for you. You were ordered to secure the shuttle bays, do you know why you ordered to do that?”

“To make sure the Fury couldn't escape. but after it attacked me, I felt like a timid kitten. In my nightmare I heard voices all around me in the darkness, from old academy mates to family members were yelling at me for being a coward. I couldn't get away and then another voice was clearer than the others. It was my old partner Ensign Soan Th’Hanera, who called me to not listen to them. He helped me get out of the darkness. This might sound crazy but sometimes I feel his presence when I really need advice.” Flower walked to the window and looked towards the sky.

Jenny watched her and smiled to herself. “Flower, I know for a fact, that order was not to keep the Fury on the ship, but to keep other crew members from leaving the ship after being infected by the Fury. It’s in the log from the ship. Maybe that will help you feel better. And secondly, Fury’s are well known for their effect on everyone’s psyche, and they specialize in a neurotoxin that preys on victims fears and enhances them to make them more vulnerable to future manifestation of the Fury. You had that toxin in your bloodstream and we have given you the antidote to you. That is why you fell into the coma and all your fears came to life in the form of a nightmare. And yes, I have read your record, so I know about your friendship with Soan Th’Hanera and I am not surprised that he is your “imaginary friend” and your comfort. Most people have such a person they speak to in their minds that helps them work through problems and go to for comfort. So think about that.”

Flower wondered how she was infected as she wasn't part of the original away team, and all she was around was a runabout that they had in their shuttle bays. “How was I infected? Was it in my food or my milk? I rarely leave my security office, and when I go to rest, I have a second quarters behind my security office wall which I decorated as my homeplanet.”

“It was when the Fury touched you, there were tiny stingers in their hands that injected the toxin.” She reached over and pulled out a picture and held it up for Flower to come and take and look at. “This was taken when you were in sickbay, unconscious.” She pointed to the pattern of finger tips that were weeping tiny welts of blood in the shape of the Fury's hand or claw or whatever it had. “And you must have been a particular problem for the Fury to single you out to be a victim to its toxin. Which is a complement to your security standing and tactics.”

Flower looked at the picture, “And as I was in sickbay, I can see Sineade was at my side, worried about me. Some of my fears that I felt are also real ones, as my father will not take the cover story lightly and will want to investigate it. I don't like worrying him sick as I know I do. He worries about my Path as a Defender and Protector…I mean Tactical and Security”

“Flower, those who love you will always worry about you, no matter what you do. You could sit in an ivory tower and do nothing more dangerous than needlework and they would still worry about you. That is part of being loved. And honestly, I think it’s better to be loved and have people worry about me than the opposite. Don’t you think so?”

Flower nods and walks back to her seat, “Yeah that is true. Will I need to be careful about the toxins if I get attacked again? Like I have to be careful around pumpkins and catnip?” she asked.

“No, they have been counted. But if you are touched again, you will be infected again. So beware of a Fury touching you again. Otherwise, you are free of their influence. Now, we just need to address your feelings of self doubt and your lack of self confidence. Does that sound reasonable to you? Oh, one more thing, your father can ask for an investigation, and he will be given documentation and such that it was, in fact, the Borg. We have been doing this for a very long time and we are very good at our cover stories. We just have to make sure that those involved are stable enough to hold to their end of the policy. Do you understand this?”

“I do understand. It is difficult to sometimes sleep at night. As much as I want to run to Rait and nuzzle tightly and hide in his pelt. I know I can't yet.”

“It won’t be too much longer, Flower, and you can go to Rait.” Jenny finished her tea and set the cup down and looked at Flower. “I want to know why you feel you are not good enough, Flower?”

Flower looked away, not sure how to put into meows how she's feeling about that. “I don't know Jenny. I guess maybe because my eyes aren't that fierce looking, and I have always been told I have kitten-like eyes.”

Smiling, Jenny looked through some pictures on her padd and then held up a picture for Flower to look at. “What do you think of her?” The image was a woman who looked no older than 14, with big blue eyes and blond hair and looked as innocent as a baby sleeping. She was dressed in a pink jogging suit and her hair was up in a ponytail and her cheeks were naturally rosy.

“Looks like a cute Furless. Almost looks like my Furless niece who my older sister adopted a few years ago. That was another fight that our father had with my older sister too.” Flower purred.

“Would it surprise you to know that she is considered one of the most deadly security officers in Starfleet? She has killed more people than most skilled assassins in her line of duty and Admiral Hayes will go nowhere away from Earth without her in her entourage. She is almost 45 years old, but still looks only 14. It’s the blessing of her genetics. But don’t cross her, you won’t win.” Jenny stated simply.

“I can see how people would judge her as just a kid by her looks, but even the most beautiful flowers have their thorns. With my self doubts I sometimes second guess myself and my instincts. I guess after being attacked, the nightmare just amplified my doubts.”

“Flower, you wouldn’t be human, to borrow the term, if you didn’t have second thoughts and self doubts. Every single being in the universe questions themselves from time to time and usually over the simplest of mistakes. So, you didn’t fully understand the order to keep the crew on the ship, not the Fury, and you think you failed because the Fury got off the ship. The Fury was meant to get off the ship, it was the only way Admiral Sylver could track it and hopefully find and discover where they hide. Then the toxins in your blood had all your worst fears brought to life and given a voice. But the fears haven’t changed. No one from your past is coming back and yelling at you for being a failure. No one has turned against you. No one has even said you have failed in your duty. In fact, Commodore Connor has asked that her entire crew get commendations for their bravery in facing the…”borg” and coming back with so few lost. Do you think she would do that for someone she felt was a failure?”

“No she wouldn't. I have actually faced her one time in working out with her. It was after learning that the Sythion had attacked starbase Everest where my family is stationed. I was so upset that I yelled at my roommate who had told me to let something go. Also yes I do have a holodeck program where I spar with Soan all the time, and my roommate keeps trying to get me to not dwell on my late partner and move on. What she doesn't understand is that I am like his only family around right now, so when the Aldrin comes to Earth, I always try to visit the Golden Gate Memorial Park and talk to his monument. I know why he doesn't have any family, it's a secret he entrusted in me, and I still haven't, to this day, told anyone why,” Flower paused and touched her paw to a pendant under her uniform, “I can't let him go, because I would be letting part of myself go.”

“Don’t let him go and don’t let your tradition of visiting him when you come to Earth. That is a stabilizing force for you. However, don’t use it as a crutch, because that isn’t healthy. I think sparing with him in the holodeck sounds like a healthy way of keeping him in your life.” Jenny said simply. “So, after learning about Sarah Dunbar, the security officer to the Admirals, does that help you realize that the more innocent you look, the better to hide your serious and deadly side?”

Flower nodded, “That would give me the edge if someone tried to attack my crew. Which I would drop on all fours and pounce on whoever would harm my crew. Now I did feel I failed to protect the crew after the Borg attacked. I suppose that my furry kind wasn't a threat to them so they did not assimilate me;”

“No, they couldn’t take you and make the getaway, which is why you were left behind. The Borg take everyone. “ Jenny stated as a fact. “Now then, did you know about the Fury’s ability to change shape to hide itself among other races? Did you know of the toxins? Did you know he had taken the Admiral hostage? Did you even know he was onboard? Not just guess but know? The answer to all of these is no, so you didn’t fail. You did the best you could with the information you had. How do you think Commodore Connor feels, feeling that she let down her crew because she didn’t know about the Fury?”

“Probably how I am feeling now, helpless to protect her crew from danger. I know she also has children, so not being able to protect them from all harm is also scary. Well after getting the request to spy on my crew, I did ask why he didn't ask more qualified officers to do it, and he felt he couldn't trust Intel because I guess my Commodore has some strings in Intel. I did bring up that my fiance is part of Intel, but he brushed past it.”

“If you haven’t figured it out, Flower, the Fury would say anything to undermine your faith in yourself and in your fellow officers. It didn’t want you strong and confident, because then you could have withstood some of the toxin and the fear influence. But trust me, Flower, everyone has fears and doubts, feelings of not being good enough, of failing. However, not everyone allows them to paralyze them or to stop them from truly living and enjoying themselves. What do you think of that?”

“Maybe I have done that. Staying isolated in my second quarters, avoiding my roommate and only wanting to snuggle up with a life sized plushie that Rait gave me as a present like he's always with me. Being put on light duty after waking up in the sickbay, I couldn't do anything except tell my officers what to do.” Flower admitted.

“So, let’s work on some tools you can use to deal with situations when you are feeling overwhelmed, or a failure, or bad about yourself in any way. Would that be okay, Flower?” Jenny asked.

“Other than going to the holodeck and allowing Soan to twist my tail or kick my fur around?’ Flower asked

Jenny laughed. “Yes, besides that. The first is affirmations. These are positive statements about yourself. Not how you see yourself, but how others see you, but put in the first person. For example, I am beautiful. I am capable. I am worthy. I deserve happiness. I belong. I am needed. I am wanted. Can you do that? I know it will be difficult at first and you will reject them. But keep saying them, at least five to ten times a day. After time, you will begin to believe them, because they are true. Are you willing to do that?”

Flower purred as she nodded, “Yes, I am willing to do this. I am strong. I am… brave.”

“The other thing I want you to do, is when you start to feel overwhelmed again by a situation you feel is out of your depth, I want you to stick your hands into ice water. Plunge them in, all the way to the elbow, and make sure there is ice in that cold water so it hurts and shocks you. The reason for this is to shock your mind and body out of panic mode and back into reasonable thought. Then I want you to think the situation through like it was a question on an opinion paper, nothing more and nothing less. Can you do this?” Jenny asked.

“I think I can handle getting my fore paws wet.” she joked a little.

Jenny looked at her. “I think this is enough work for today. Go home and practice these two tools. We will meet again tomorrow. I am in my office from 9 am to 5 pm, just pick a time and we will get together. You are my priority right now, so any time you show up, and for however long it takes. Okay?”

Flower nods and stands up, “Communication blackout lifted?” she asked.

Jenny thought about it for a moment. “I think not yet Practice those tools, and when we meet again tomorrow, we can talk about it. Right now, you are still in that stage of uncertainty and I would like you to be a little more stable first. That way, the tones in your voice won’t give away the cover story. This is not a punishment, Flower, this is simply security, something you know a lot about.”

Flower felt her tail drop down, “I understand.” she walked to the doors still sad, was hoping to see her fiance soon, but I guess it would have to wait a while longer.

–Time passage to last day–

Jenny sat in her office and was making notes about her cases and listening to soft music in the background. Flower would be there soon, and if it all went well, then she would be released today and given shore leave. Flower had worked hard, practicing all the tools that Jenny had given her. On the third day, she was able to break the communications blackout and Jenny had noticed she felt better having spoken to her fiance and family. It was something she had remarked on, the emotional dependence that Flower had with the others in her life. She had worked to help Flower find her inner strength, acceptance, validation, and reliance.

Flower entered the room with a more confident demeanor of her than how she was on her first visit. Finally being able to talk with Rait was a needed distraction for her during all this. “Hey there Jenny!” she said in a cheerful meow.

“Hello, Flower. How are you today?” She asked, coming out of her office and into the treatment area. The office was just a desk and files, a tiny closet. The treatment area is the comfortable area, the one she often spent most of her day, simply because it was comfortable. She has already marked down the difference between Flower before and after speaking with Rait. She was still concerned with her dependence on him to give her approval for her to be happy and confident. She was still trying to make Flower understand she didn’t *need* anyone but herself to be happy and confident. She might have to talk to Rait about that and see what he had to say about it. Flower was still not living up to her full potential, always holding back, like she was afraid to take that final step. But at least she wasn’t a security risk now when it came to the issue at hand and that is all that Starfleet wanted to ensure.

“I am feeling much better today. I have been doing the exercises, and my fur on my forepaws is still chilly from the first few times. But at least I haven't been having the nightmares anymore and I have spoken with my father on our planet to calm his fears. I am hoping to plan a trip out to Starbase Everest, to visit my older sister and her family,” Flower just rambled on, a sign that now she felt very comfortable with Jenny.

“I’m glad that you have so much to look forward to. And I’m glad that you aren’t having nightmares anymore. So, do you think you are able to cope now with what the future can bring to you? Or do you think you will crumble again?” Jenny asked and sipped on some tea.

Flower looked down, “All officers have the risk of crumbling when facing the future. i am not going to lie to you that I have total confidence in myself to not be afraid. It would be foolish to think that I can take on the world without the help of my security team. And my other support system with that also. i used to think that I had to just rely on my claws and didn't need anyone else, but I have learned that I am not invincible and can be broken,”

Smiling, Jenny nodded. “Very good. Now I have another question: are you going to catastrophize again like you have in the past when you have to turn to others to do their jobs and support you in yours?” She didn’t offer a choice, she wanted Flower to come up with the answer herself.

Flower thought about the right answer, “I can't really give you the correct answer, as a Protector I will jump into action to save anyone who's in danger. Especially if they are my family, like my crew has become for me. I would protect them. So I can't be certain that I won't get frustrated when I have to be put on the side lines, as Terrans say.”

Jenny shook her head. “That isn’t what I said or meant, Flower. I’m talking about when you need support from others, not about being sidelined. And when I said about catastrophizing I meant making things appear worse than what they are because you are overreacting to things that aren’t as important. Do you understand that?”

“I think so. I don't mean to overreact, it's just sometimes my instincts take over and I just act without thinking.” flower admitted.

“Well, Flower, that is something we need to figure out before you are done. And no, I’m not talking about reacting on instinct, that is a good quality. I’m talking about trying to take all the blame for failed missions, even though it isn’t yours to take. Or making it seem that you are worthless because you weren’t able to single handedly save the day. Flower, you are one person, you can only be expected to do what one person can do. And you aren’t expected to take on the responsibility of everyone else because you are security. Do you understand that?”

Flower nodded her furry head, “Yes, that i understand. I guess with the Borg attack, I took on more than my shoulders could handle. I will work on not doing that and allow my teams to do their duty without me having to hover over them.”

“I’m not saying not to do your job either, Flower. You need to be a good leader and a guide for your department. But if you expect a department full of miracle workers, then yes, back off, because that isn’t right, for any department. Do the best you can, don’t take more on your than is reasonable, and allow others to do their jobs. Can you do that?” Jenny asked.

“Yes I can do that. I know it's not realistic to think my teams are all perfect and to expect that, is completely wrong. I will strive to be a better leader, one my team can depend on, even if I am injured.” Flower purred.

Jenny nodded. “Okay then, Flower. If you ever need to talk, at any time, anywhere, you can call me and I’ll be here. I think we are done here and as soon as the last of your fellow crewmates are released for shore leave, you are as well. I am putting that in now. There is still one holdout, and when that person comes around, then everyone will be in a better place. Good luck, Flower.” She put out her hand for Flower to shake. “I really do wish you all the best.”

Flower shook her hand, “I thank you for helping me with all this. i wonder which one is being a little harder than most,” she mused.

“I’m not at liberty to tell you that.” Jenny smiled. “Go and have fun.”

End Log

RSS Feed